How to Cheat

So it's been day 7 of my cleanse and all I want is cookies and wine. No, not cookies and milk (I'm lactose intolerant thank you), but cookies and wine. I've been craving dirty food, cool, seductive, pinot grigio and have been flipping my moods on and off like a light switch. Oh my poor roomies here at the Estrogen Den. So I need to know...is it possible to cheat without really cheating?

The other day on the Bloor-West line during morning rush hour I looked like the rest of them...irritated and dosing off. We were packed in what barely seemed to be an air conditioned subway train when a large woman with faux gold teeth bumped into me. I quickly cocked my head at her and snapped, "Watch where you're going". It wasn't until then that my wanna-be 6'2" self shrank back into my real 5'5" self as she looked like she was going to eat me. Yes, the other day, I almost suffered from a near death experience. This cleanse was making a little monster out of me...the David who was going to get her little butt kicked in by her gold toothed Goliath.

Then there are the fuzzies. "The what?" you say? The fuzzies. The kinds of fuzzies that make you miss your yoga class or forget your money in your other purse by the time you've reached the subway. What is wrong with me? Oh ya, I forgot...I'm cleansing.

Lastly are things you wouldn't in a million years tell your co-workers about, but might secretly tell your best friend about...the oh-so-fun bodily reactions to cleansing. Yes the bloating, the occasional toot here and there and the funky looking poops. "Oh God, she's writing about poop now" you say, but hey, as Taro Gomi once said, "Everyone Poops". So take a look at it sometime, you'll be amazed at the shit it'll say about you. Pun intended. Alright, alright...that was bad.

But seriously with all these crazy things happening, not to mention the headaches (oh the temporal liver headaches) isn't there some saving grace that we can turn to? Well I've figured out one thing that has made this cleanse all worth while...cherries.

Yes, the organic variety is incredibly expensive, but oh my, they are worth every penny. "But cherries?" you say? Yes, cherries. In Chinese nutrition therapy, cherries are the only fruit that pull out dampness. And if you've been reading my previous posts, you'll know that dampness is the Chinese Medical term for "gunk"...not exactly a synonym you'll find, but you get the picture. It weighs us down, hampers our digestive system, contributes to ovarian cysts, and the oh-so-pleasant, all-too-common yeast infections. Yes, I said it, yeast infections. It all starts in the digestive system ladies and even the over the counter meds won't get rid of it...for good.

But I digress...back to cherries. Apparently in New York, Broadway zig zags off course as it intersects with East 10th Street because a cherry tree once grew there. Who knew that a fruit could have so much impact? Personally, I love them and there ain't nothin' sexier than cherries. All kinds of sexual references have been made about this provocative little fruit from losing one's innocence to men tying the stem into a knot with none other than their tongue and teeth. Ai yai yai....

Once again I digress...

The kind that shares space with my lips right now is the sweet, dark, plump ones. Unlike other fruit, cherries are slightly warming to the body, increases vital energy of the spleen, liver and kidneys. Not to mention, they remove blood stagnation and for women this is key. Right before our menses, we get sharp stabbing pains in our lower abdomen. This stabbing pain in Chinese Med is just an example of blood stagnation. So just before "that time" cherries are a good choice, especially since they're also an excellent source of iron. What more could a woman ask for?

So while I plan what's left of the long weekend, I try to think of outdoorsy things to do when really I'm not the outdoorsy type (unless you consider running through Cabbagetown outdoorsy). I figure it's better than enforcing the will of God at the next social event when I'll inevitably be asked, "can I buy you a drink?" Simply put, sometimes its better to avoid the usual when you know you just might cave.

No one said cleansing would be easy, but despite all the draw backs that I've bitched about here, I have to say that I've been sleeping better and have more energy than I've had in a while. I'm also constructively working through any mixed bag of emotions during meditation in the morning rather than escaping them. So really, cleansing hasn't been all that bad. Not to mention, I've also disovered one of the most sexiest therapeutic foods that permits me to indulge in it's essence without feeling guilty. I gotta say, cheating never felt and tasted so good...

Yum.