Satiating the Critic

Allow me to present to you Inspiration (a.k.a. Stephanie Dickison) who was the driving force that got me writing. So it was only natural that I would attend her party celebrating the release of her first book, The 30 Second Commute: A Non-Fiction Comedy about Writing and Working From Home. Walking around Nicholas Hoare bookstore with red wine in one hand and clutching my new book in the other, I scanned the room of photographers, writers and editors. Becoming overwhelmed by this vibe and what it had triggered in me, I immediately detoured to the food counter. Stuffing buttery brie in my mouth and concentrating on plucking grapes off their stem one by one, my inner voice became louder...

I should be doing more, I should be making more, I should be out there more...

The room began to swirl and I realized that the grape stems were not strong enough to hold me up so I decided to lean against the New Release section and tried to catch my breath. I had to wonder, how could I possibly satiate this monster that I call, the Critic?

The Critic followed me as I began a travel through time and started to compare my life now and what it used to be...

Roughly five years ago I left advertising - a field dominated by three hundred dollar jeans, deadlines from yesterday and a work hard, play hard mentality. But the money was decent and at least better than what putters in today. Now, when I question decisions or my current finances, I have to admit that I get slightly tempted to ditch everything and go back to the dark side of selling cereal, cream cheese and talking about a rooster mascot for an hour of my day.

Sensing my freak out, Perspective (a.k.a the Intellect) squeezes my arm and asks if I'm okay. Taking to a quieter spot, we move over to the Children section and sit on blue and pink plastic chairs. It's there between Dr. Seuss and Robert Munsch that I whine about how I had invisioned my life to be further along at thirty. I tell him all about the big bad monster, the Critic, who had been eating away at me all evening.

It's at this point the Intellect leans in and gives me some much needed tough love. He reminds me you're in your last term of acupuncture and there IS an end in sight. Of course it's hard, being a student for the past five years is not easy financially and emotionally. Working six to seven days a week is enough to drive anyone in that predicament insane. Patience he tells me...patience...you're building something and it's coming.

Pulling myself together, I suck it up. Walking over to friends, I smile, create some idle chit chat, network with some editors and most importantly get my book signed from Inspiration. This isn't about you Melissa, it's about her. Now go on...

Coming home that evening, I wasn't remotely hungry (must have been the grapes and brie) but decided to cook and pack away some food for tomorrow. Besides, cooking for me has always been therapeutic and tonight, I needed some quick comfort. My mother, was master of that. She would take any left overs in the fridge and with her soft hands, magically transform it into something amazing. Peering into my fridge I noticed a bowl of coconut saffron rice that I had sitting there for the last two days...and that's when it came to me.

COMFORT COCONUT RICE PATTIES
1 cup left over basmati rice in the fridge (for extra fibre, I always work with brown basmati)
1/2 cup unsweetened shredded coconut + some extra set aside for rolling the patties in
2 - 3 tbsp spelt flour (to bind the patties together)
1 tbsp unpasteurized honey
1 beatened organic egg
1 tbsp coconut oil (Bali or Garden of Life are my favourites)
1 cut lime set aside

For this recipe, I used coconut saffron rice that I had made a couple nights ago in the fridge. You can use any left over rice, so don't feel tied to remaking anything. But just a note when making rice: saute onions and garlic (add saffron if you'd like) first, throw the rice in thereafter and fill with chicken broth. It makes for a much tastier rice.

Place the left over rice, coconut, egg and honey in a bowl. Get in there with your hands and mix well. Add in enough spelt flour so that you're able to make balls out of it.
Set these balls aside and when you're finished, roll them in the remaining coconut.
Place several balls into a cast iron pan heated with coconut oil. Flatten out balls gently with a spatula and brown on both sides.
When done, serve with a wedge of lime or mango chutney.

Eating one of my creations (I guess I was a little hungry after all), I began to realize that my critic is actually, worry. In Chinese Nutrition Therapy, we see worry as hampering digestive functions and the one food that strengthens the digestive function is rice. In China they make congees made of rice, Japan, mochi balls and in Brazil, bolinhas de arroz (rice balls). So somehow, my body knew exactly what it needed to feed my critic...also known as worry.

As I squeezed the lime over them, and licked my fingers clean, I started to think about things again. Stephanie wrote a book and a funny one at that. It all started out when she used to work at an office admin job and decided to leave to pursue a freelance writing career. Just like me, she mustered up the courage and went for it. With that, she's struggled just the same and has been doing this for longer than I've been out of advertising. Today, she's a published author, a journalist who has interviewed various celebrities, a food critic and a lecturer at various Universities in Toronto. Stephanie has worked for it and stuck with it. One of the many reasons I find her inspiring.

As for myself...

After a five year academic stint, I'm 50 days away from being done (but who's counting?). Then, I work my tail off to make a bit more and 64 days later I'm off to Italy which will be my home for three months. Sexy Food Therapy is young as the Intellect would say and there certainly are plans for it to grow that are under way. Not to mention, I'm already practicing Nutrition at a well-established rehabilitation clinic and soon in the New Year, I'll be able to join another clinic for acupuncture. In the next year or two I'll be much happier than I could ever have been in advertising. I simply need to follow my passion because what I'm building is promising.

Everyone has a Critic eating away at them at times. So rather than trying to satiate it, I've realized that by turning to our friends, family, lovers and good food, we gain the one thing that kills the monster and that is...perspective.