The Mumbler

There with soft mood lighting that flickered at Niagara Cafe, I anxiously sat awaiting for my dinner date. Adjusting my top, smoothing out my hair and sipping on my Chianti, I waited patiently. Storming through the door, my date finally arrived...the Comedian. I know what you're thinking...ooh tell me more. Well, I'd like to tell you all about him, but sorry to disappoint you, but the Comedian is my gal pal who is master of making me laugh when I'm down in the dumps. Not a second to waste and with her coat still half on, she immediately dove into her story about her date with the Mumbler.

The Comedian found the Mumbler online and after a few short message exchanges and agreed to go out for drinks at a local wine bar in the city. Walking into the wine bar fashionably late, she saw him from across the room and was immediately impressed.

Melissa, he was beautiful and had a smile that made my knees buckle. And the best part? He was taller than me, even with heels. (She's 5'10 in flats)

Sitting down, she listened to his successful career in finance, his amazing traveling stories and his desire to settle down with someone special. I'm so special baby, you don't even know it, she thought. Conversation flowed at the same quick pace as the wine and they grew increasingly flirtaeous with one another. Hands went from the knees, to around the shoulder and soon enough, the Mumbler went in for the kill and planted one on her lips.

Mmmm, he said after their brief lip lock.

Smiling and touching her face with one hand, he reached over and paid the bill with the other. The night couldn't have gone any better and the Comedian was beginning to have faith in love all over again. As the evening was drawing to a close, he walked her to her car and passionately grabbed her for the final goodnight kiss.

And that's when it happened Melissa.

What?

The mumbling.

What began as a couple of mmmm's, soon turned into a full mumble.

What do you mean mumble?

MUMBLE. The man sounded like he was speaking in code for horny.

Stopping and looking at him, he opened his blissfully closed eyes...what?

Did you say something?

No, I'm just really enjoying your lips.

Um...okay.

Giving him another shot, she leaned in for round two. But it started again and was followed by a head massage.

I felt like I was making out with the girl who washes my hair at the salon. At any moment, I swore the man was going to pull out conditioner. My whole head was beginning to feel violated and I started to worry about my safety Mel. This man was going to either make love to my head, put in a leave in treatment or mistakenly call me Clarice and eat me.

Without any remote possibility of a second date, the Comedian pulled back, smiled nervously and quickly got into her car...locking the door behind her.

Feeling once again hopelessly out of love, the Comedian and I instead decided to find humor in our lives and continued to catch up over unbelievable food that graced out palates and fed our souls. Just when I thought our night couldn't get any better, I remembered the treat I had stashed away in my purse...UliMana's Tao of Cacao.

I had received this little package from the States just the other day and was meaning to sample the assortment of organic and raw truffles that were sent. I couldn't think of anyone better to sample it with than with the Comedian. We both could use a little sexy chocolate.

In an assortment of treats from Hemp Brownies to Chia Moon Drops, these little sexy treats contained cacao butter, agave and coconut oil among its ingredients. We moved onto the Lemon Fig Bar, breaking it carefully in half and savoured the lemon essential oil, pecans and figs. Our mouth was being made love to. Passing them to one another from under the table we hid them from our server like crack and moved on to the Chocolate Apricot Nuts and licked our fingers. The great thing was that eating these were guilt free. With no white sugar, wheat or dairy, I was still adhearing to Project Skinny Jean. So sinful, so good, so sexy and still healthy...gotta love it. In an orgy of chocolate love, the Comedian and I fell head over heels and our dating woes were the furthest thing from our minds.

At that moment, blissful perspective came as we finally stopped and realized that sometimes taking time out to be grateful for the small things in life like good friends, good humour, plus a little chocolate treat can make life just a little bit sweeter right when you need it.

Mmmmm.