The Bitchy Vagina

“God, I need a vacation” is what I’ve been telling myself for the last 14 days. Tired and burnt I’m beginning to see unpleasant changes happening with my body. I’m beginning to wonder, is it possible for our closest sister in crime to be affected as well? Ladies, I’m about to fill you in on the private (well, not anymore) story of how my vagina got bitchy.

I started to recognize this personality change just recently when I was working overtime to be make Colorado possible. Working hourly required me to make up time since Mama needs to pay the rent. Problem was, I was pushing myself to the limit thinking and my vagina was getting pissed. I started to become a little concerned and visited my close friend and also my Vag Doctor what was going on. Could this be another dreaded case of Candida? However over e-mail, Vag Doctor had mentioned that this could be the signs of BV. I had no idea what that meant but hoped to God it meant Bitchy Vag. Could it be? Could my vagina simply be angry at me for working too hard? I soon found out that it was bacterial vaginosis, a common imbalance that occurs when bacteria somehow creeps its way and disrupts the flora, or our friendly inner balance.

I was going to Colorado and hadn’t seen the Chef in almost a month. I was scratching the walls and needed my vagina to pack her bags and be ready to go. When it came down to it, Mama needed some love. So my Virgoness went into a frenzy and paranoia. How did I get to this point? The answer was that I was busy and simply not handling it well. I would take every opportunity to go out with friends after work, have a glass…er…more like, a half litre on the patio. When it came down to it, it was summer and my whole being wanted to soak it up at every given opportunity. Problem was I was filling up with dampness.

In TCM dampness is like a swamp that creates havoc on our systems. We become tired, bloated, develop gyney problems, gain weight and acne. So I had to go back down to my foundation, food.

To clear up dampness it’s important to dry it out, clear heat, if there’s any. Bitter foods are typically something that North Americans usually shy away from. Foods such as dandelion and watercress are excellent options. Job’s tears, known as a grain in the West and herb in the East clears out the dampness as well. So I stood in my kitchen and brought it right down to basics and began to cook.

Job’s Tears Pecan Medley

1 cup Job’s Tears (soaked overnight)
2 cups water
½ red onion minced
4 garlic cloves
1 shredded apple
¼ cup pecans
Small handful cilantro
2 tbsp agave nectar
Small bunch dandelion greens washed and cut
Juice from ½ lemon

Boil Job’s Tears in water for about 45 minutes until well cooked. Set aside.
In a large skillet, sauté red onions and garlic until caramelized.
Add in agave nectar, shredded apple and pecans and stir.
Once mixed sprinkle over chopped fresh cilantro.
On a plate place chopped dandelion greens and top with olive oil, lemon and agave nectar.
Serve Job’s Tears mixture over top of dandelion greens and enjoy.


After eating, I took some probiotics, and begged the Vagina Gods everywhere for a complete turn around. Two days later I was packed and on a plane on my way to see Chef. When I arrived here yesterday I could virtually feel the symptoms fading away. Could it have been my ability to nourish myself through the last stretch of my 14 days work/study marathon? Or maybe it was the fact that my Vagina got her vacation. Whatever it is, the problem today is non-existent.
No longer was I receiving signs from Vagina trying to get my attention. The whole time I was so frustrated thinking, “come on, pack up and be ready to go”. Meanwhile, this whole time, her suitcases were already packed, waiting at the door. In fact, she was ready to go long before I was.