Is This Worth Holding Onto?

You meet someone and sparks fly. The chemistry is so intense, that the world stops. But when that man lives a thousand miles away, challenges arise. A part for months at a time, you are forced to cram in all lost time in a short one. The glamour begins to fade and you start to question, "Is this worth holding onto?"

It was almost 5 months ago since meeting the Chef and now he was back. I was tickled to have him in my home and space. Nothing seemed more exciting than to wrap up in each others essence. This time however, our meeting was on my turf. This time was truly the test.

Seeing him roll out of Terminal 1 was enough to make me buzz. However, as the days went on, we suffocated each other for 7 full days and I began to question whether we were truly compatible or whether this was just too much time to spend with someone at once. Now I know, couples live with each other but every waking moment isn't spent with one another. I looked around the Estrogen Den (that thankfully was empty for the week) and realized it was being taken over. Never before were there piles of the New York Times and the Globe & Mail crowded in my kitchen. Never before did I have to worry about cleaning up pizza boxes and dishes as he walked upstairs and rolled into bed.

Now don't get me wrong, there were more highlights than lows...laughing until my ribs hurt, rolling home after a filling, cheap and cheerful Indian dinner and passion between the sheets that only evolved since the last time we were together. If only sex were the glue that held people together...

Then were the awkward times of sitting on patios wondering what to say or the days when I wondered how to treat his sour mood. E-mail and text messaging wasn't enough to get to know one another, it had to be in person and unfortunately that opportunity only came around every couple of months. It all made me question the meaning of the Chef and I. It was almost as if I was trying on a pair of pants that didn't quite fit. Truthfully, no matter which angle I looked at it, I had to wonder if it really was working.

So as I sit here listening to "Ain't Nobody's Business" on my porch in my hammock writing my entry I think about the fall and it's relation to all of this. Yes, I know we're still in late summer's heat, but hey, I'm getting a head start...typical Virgo. Fall is a time where we are faced with the question of what we'd like to hold onto and what we can do without. So all I can ask out of the food I love is something that can help me become more introspective and bring about some sort of answers to my complicated love life.

During the summer heat, our mental thoughts are disorganized and we're trying to piece it all together. So maybe this was part of the reason why I feel so at a loss...

So as I eagerly await for the fall, I feel I need to get a jump start at the foods which help us transition once we get the first touch of cold. I need to be prepared! Root vegetables for one, helps to ground ourselves and even a touch of sour pulls us back in for re-evaluation. Sour flavours in Chinese Medicine, as Paul Pitchford once stated, helps the heart-mind connection and aids us in organizing scattered mental thoughts left over from the late summer heat.

A perfect dish in my opinion that fits the bill is borscht. Borscht is a beet/tomato based stew of sorts that I've grown up with from my Polish/Russian mother. I've tasted watery beet versions in the city that just couldn't compare. So with the acceptance of my mother, I share with you a dish that has been passed down the line of beautiful, strong women...

RUSSIAN STYLE BORSCHT

2 tbsp olive oil
4 garlic cloves minced
1 onion cubed
3 tbsp apple cider
Juice from 1 lemon
4 Beets (cut in sticks)
4 Yukon Potatoes in chunks
2 large ripe tomatoes in small chunks
2 large carrots or 3 small ones
1 large yam in small chunks
¼ green cabbage shredded
2 sticks of kelp seaweed (my healthy addition for extra minerals)
Quinoa or brown rice flour for thickening
Small chunks of natural or organic beef
½ pot filled with water
½ pot filled with chicken or vegetable stock
1-2 Jalapeno pepper
2-3 tbsp raw honey
Salt as needed

Sauté onions, garlic and jalapeno pepper for 5 minutes. Add tomato and sauté for a while so that tomatoes release some of its juice. Once the tomatoes are soft and juicy, add meat. Sauté for 10 minutes until meat is cooked.

Once meat is cooked, add beets and sauté for an additional 5-7 minutes. Add flour to thicken mixture. Add water and stock.

Add in remaining vegetables to the pot and bring to a boil for ten minutes. Reduce heat to medium until vegetables are soft and leave for an additional 5 minutes. Stir in salt, vinegar, lemon and honey. Turn heat down so that soup can continue to simmer for approximately an hour so that flavours can marry. Flavours should be slightly sour, sweet and slightly spicy. Add salt or honey as needed. Oh ya, and don't forget to give this a good dollop of organic sour cream.

Enjoy.

I'm sure you're thinking, "It's still close to 30 degree weather out there, there's no way I'm making a stew!" Trust me, keep this wonderful jewel of a recipe tucked away, because you'll thank me.

For now, all I can do is sit on these feelings, let them scatter and slowly make sense of them. To simply allow feelings be what they've come here to be, is frustrating, but they can't be forced. Despite whether its incompatibility or purely circumstantial, letting go of the Chef might just be for the best.

All relationships are different and I can only speak for the pickle I've gotten myself into. Some long distance loves work, but with no end game in sight, I might just be losing steam. So as much as the Chef is right, "its important to live in the here and now", I have to say, that I might just be looking for someone who lives for the potentials of tomorrow.