Playing the Game

Dating isn't all that easy. In fact, I'm sure many of you can relate that it can get a little frustrating at times. As much as I'd prefer to ditch the rules, maybe they (whoever they are) were right when they said it's all one big game. So when it comes to dating men, is it necessary to beat them at their own game?

Since being single, I've been on plenty of dates. Some were entertaining, while others were...well, just out right Prozac-inducing. Within first meeting you simply just know. Take Mr. Cardboard for example, a Chiropractor working out of his successful practice just west of the city. As I sat with him, I painfully tried to stir up conversation or get him to partially smile at my jokes...but it was hopeless. Mr. Cardboard was simply flat, dead and lifeless. Then eerily enough, I agreed to be set up again with another Chiropractor (no, the thought of back cracking doesn't get me off...it was simply chance that this happened again). So while sitting across from him I noticed his stiff and upright posture. This guy could use some cracking himself, I thought. Occupying myself by shoveling runny eggs down my throat, I wondered if he'd even move if I flung my iPhone at him. It was like deja-vu...Mr. Cardboard reincarnated as Mr. Plywood. From then on in, I swore myself off of Chiros...for good. There were no games to be played in these scenarios. I simply folded.

Then along came Mr. Director. Quick witted, handsome and just down right sexy, Mr. Director showed ease and charm from the first message that I received online. A busy writer/director, he was in the same boat as me...not having time to connect outside of work, internet dating was simply convenient. Soon enough, we had plans for dinner, or what he called, a "proper date". Fluttered by his take charge initiative, I scrambled through my day of studies and clinic excited for the night ahead. However while changing in my telephone booth, I singed my neck with my curling iron and was left with what appeared to be the world's smallest hickey. After swearing to the highest God's in English and Portuguese I rushed off into the unforgivably drizzly night to meet up with Mr. Director. Everything about the date was perfect (except for my nerve-induced wine drinking). After indulging in kisses later on the rooftop patio, I decided to hop into a cab and $30 later my mascara and I made friends with my pillow.

It all seemed great in theory, except for one thing: there was never a mention of a second date...or even the possibilty of one.

After the date, the so called game really began. Do I phone or wait for him to phone? If he doesn't phone, is he simply not interested or am I just not patient enough? So I did what every woman would have done in my situation: I went to my team of consultants - my friends.

Jessika: Do not call him Mel. If he's really interested, he'll call you. The guy you start dating should make the same if not more than the effort you put in. You are the girl. 'Cus you're worth it. That's all!

Cilla: Forget about the games. If you like him, you like him. Just call him and ask him out again.

Gail: I hate to say it, but it is a game. Let it go...give it a week and see what comes up. Men take a while and need the space. It sucks but it's true.

My mother: Melissa, I never chased after your father, so don't ever chase after a man. You're too good for that.

While I was thinking about Mr. Director, I wanted to channel my energy elsewhere. All this information from my friends and overanalyzing the situation was driving this Virgo crazy. So I sent myself straight to the kitchen to use my energy for what I love most. Food.

Looking in my fridge I remembered that several days ago I purchased a large bottle of pomogranate juice. Now couldn't be a better time to make something sweet - the taste of pleasure.

Pomegranates, which originated in Persia have been used culturally for centuries. A Turkish bride for example would throw the fruit on the ground and count the number of seeds that would pop out to predict how many children she would have. In Brazil, I remember using the pomegranate for the New Year's celebration of Imanja, the African deity of the ocean. Prior to jumping over seven waves, and throwing white flowers into the ocean, my family and I dressed in white and sucked on seven pomegranate seeds and wrapped it in a piece of tin foil. Neatly tucked away in my wallet, the seeds sat as a representation of love, hope and abundance for the year to come.

So as I pulled out the pomegranate juice bottle I couldn't help but hope for the same. So I created the one thing I loved - I made pomegranate molasses. Thick, syurpy pomegranate molasses have been used to compliment a variety of dishes from pork to chicken and to sweetening various compotes. All so yummy.

If you crack open the fruit, you’ll receive a clue of one of its key benefits – red blood cell production. It strengthens the bladder and has a high amount of vitamin C and is considered a superfood here in North America. I’ve also added kudzu to this recipe which is an alternative to corn starch and a nutritive way to thicken sauces, soups and other mixtures. In Chinese Medicine it has been used to relieve acute pain, headaches, fevers and has been used for digestive imbalances as it soothes the stomach and intestines.

Best all, it's easy to make, so in my opinion, there's no point in buying it. Many recipes I've seen are loaded with sugar. The recipe below uses stevia as an option, because really, it's sweet enough, so I recommend adding it to taste.

SEXY POMEGRANATE LOVE SYRUP

4L bottle of Pomegranate juice (I use Black River which seems to be the most pure)
Juice from half an organic lemon
1 tbsp kudzu
2 tbsp water
Stevia powder to taste

In high heat, bring pomegranate juice to a boil. Turn heat down to a medium to low temperature and simmer until juice reduces to half the amount.
Add lemon juice and stir.
In a separate cup, mix in kudzu rocks and water and mix into a pastey liquid.
Take pomegranate liquid off the stove and mix in kudzu mixture. Stir until pomegranate liquid becomes thick and syrupy.
Allow molasses to cool and add to a small jar and refrigerate.

Use this mixture as a marinade on chicken, pork or red meat before grilling.

While I lick my fingers of this sweet syrup, I can't help but wonder how I got so out of touch with the whole dating game. Was it the five years of being with someone, trusting and loving him that would make me completely forget about anything outside of it? So now that I'm single and on the scene for the past year, I'm realizing that how I choose to deal with it is up to me. My friends will always be there to support and love me for who I am and tell me that I'm too good for whatever shit comes my way. That's what they're there for.

In the meantime, I've decided to hell with the game. Instead, I think I'd rather go with my heart, exercise common sense and trust my intuition. Whether it's about food or people, your gut will never lie, so trusting it is the only way that I believe we can ever truly win.