Dump

Sometimes I can be a little extreme which is probably why I like the city so much. So ever since I decided to quit smoking for good, I've gone full force into running, yoga and spin. Slow down sista...ya, I know...slow down. So when I received a free 10-day supplement sample from a supplier and was told that it would help me detox, I thought, right on brotha...bring it on.

[Problem #1: Melissa goes full force and forgets about the wonderful world of detoxing]

Usually I feel awful on Day 1 and Day 2 of detoxing, but this time around, I felt great. My energy sky-rocketed, my mood elevated...nothing could stop me now until Day 3. Being told to just make yourself comfortable, I arrived at Biscotti's apartment with laptop in tow. Sitting on his couch, flipping open my laptop and staring at a blank screen, I realized that my brain just wasn't working and decided to keep myself busy instead. Taking to couple of dirty dishes in the sink, I began to meditate on various article ideas until I was interrupted by my digestive system.

Gurgle.

[Problem #2: Melissa's digestive system is taken into full force, forgetting about the wonderful world of detoxing]

Gripping my tummy, I decided I was going to ignore it...I can't hear you.
Gurgle...oh yes you can.
You are a figment of my imagination.
Gurgle...oh no I'm not.

Gripping my tummy and racing to the washroom, I slammed the door and did it. I took the forbidden dump in my man's apartment...er...I mean my friend's apartment. Panicking and looking side to side, my eyes scowered the washroom for an air freshener...something...please. T-minus 15 minutes and Biscotti would be home. Rampaging my little hands through a plastic dollar store container sitting behind me on the toilet lid, I shoved past nail clippers, a box of Q-tips and then finally...matches.

[Freeze frame]

Okay, I get it. Too much information, right? Maybe you're even thinking, Dear God woman, you're so dramatic. Yes, yes I am. But you'd be lying if you told me you've never held it in the morning after, in fear that he might hear or smell your little morning dumpling and realize...you're human. Even when the pervasive little toots want to come squeezing through, you clench your butt cheeks to avoid any trumpet playing just to continue laying next to him and look pretty. Let's face it, in the beginning it's all sunshine, peaches and roses and truthfully we'd like to keep it that way. No, we don't toot, poop, burp or snore (I prrrr thank-you) and try to look just like we did the night before - even if that means going to sleep with make-up or doing a quick application before he gets up. Yes, it's totally silly, but we've all done it.

[Unfreeze frame]

Hearing the door squeak open, I adjust my top and toss my legs on the arm chair and look unassuming of the previous events and continue typing. I was going to pretend like it never happened and continue with plans to pack a bunch of food for the next day's hike. However when Biscotti dragged himself through the door, we decided to push off preparation for the morning and instead laze around.

Thank God, said my tummy.

I looked over at my green slurpie half full and my tummy turned. Too cold, too much, it said. While I promote greens out the yin yang, I will admit that they do have a cold property that may need to take a back burner for a bit. Instead my cold, little upset tummy needed something different. Looking through the fridge, it came to me...Sexy Hot Cold Kicker. Grating some ginger, I put a pot onto boil and curled up next to Biscotti to feel his warmth.

This isn't going to last Melissa. He's going to freak out again...this is just another shelf-life relationship.
I don't care, I just don't want to lose his friendship and I'd like to enjoy whatever this is while it lasts.

[The kettle whistles]

Jumping up being pulled back to bed, I finally wiggled my way out of bed, poured my magical elixir in a big coffee mug and craddled it back to bed where my tummy was eventually soothed. When our digestive systems are out of wack, our minds are more apt to race since the two in Chinese Medicine are related. Feeling a little warmth in my belly and having my heart wrapped in Biscotti's arms, I realized that there's only so much of the future I can control, so maybe enjoying the present isnt such a bad idea. That maybe we'll never get the chance to be that comfortable with each other. So with that in mind, I kissed his forehead, squeezed my cheeks and rested my head on his chest.

[Problem #3: Biscotti, for a limited time only...]

You can't ignore the reality of this Melissa.

I know, but please, before I have to dump what this is between Biscotti and I, let me just savour this for a little longer...

You forget that you're human sometimes Melissa and this just might hurt. Alright, do what you want, but I warned you.

I know, I know...