De-Friended

When people are angry, they tend to act out in different ways. Take the situation between Rachael, Alex and my four year old self for example. For what seemed like eternity, my dual-braided, Buster Brown-wearing self would stare at Alex, the four-year old Greek God in Mrs. Collin's class. I was in love and we were going to marry and have two babies (one girl, one boy) that would have my eyes and his smile. Then there was Rachael, my red bow-wearing, cookie-sharing best friend. We did everything together including sneaking into my sister's room to raid her make-up, jump on our beds and sing Lucky Star from Madonna into our hair brushes. Yes, we were cool and we were only four.

Then one fateful day, as I pranced my little princess self outside for recess with chocolate covered cookies in hand I saw it: Rachael beaming as Alex was sucking away on a lifesaver just to make it the right fit for her little ring finger. I was devastated and I was angry. Stomping back into the school, I walked straight into the classroom where I licked the cookie and wiped all the cooties from Snotty Jeremy's desk. If I had it my way, Rachael would turn into a toad that would slightly resemble Snotty Jeremy. But I didn't care, in my mind I had de-friended Rachael and she deserved it.

To some extent, we've all been there, but since then, I've grown up...really. So when I was flipping through my facebook friends and realized that Biscotti wasn't there, I realized...I had been de-friended. Not really understanding why or how this could have happened, I was completely insulted. How could he? After all, I wasn't the one who had broke promises. I began to question, was his facebook page reserved solely for those with a special friend status? I would let this go and let time pass. Getting upset just wasn't worth it.

And then there was the other night when I found myself back at my old school for their holiday party. With an objective in mind, I would go in, pay the Director, have a glass of wine, eat some nibblies and get out. Simple. But even with a short time span in mind, the air seemed to grow thin, my clothes began to tighten and I could hardly breathe. Too much had gone on in the last year that I no longer felt comfortable being amongst people who in my mind I had de-friended.

All of this de-friending wasn't sitting well. Sitting in my car and breathing into my cold hands as I waited for my car to warm up, I realized, my eye lid was twitching. Pressing my hand to my eye, I realized, my leg was restless and I was shaking it like a dog. I knew what this was from. It was the holidays again, I was a Grumpy Elf, Biscotti had de-friended me and I had de-friended my classmates. Simply put, I was stressed and my body was acting out. I was emotional, and craving chocolate again. Reaching into my purse I remembered I had a box of cacao nibs I bought earlier that day and began to shovel them in.

So why all the chocolate cravings in the last couple of days? I was deficient in magnesium, the mineral that aids in stress and relaxes muscles. Plus the bitter taste of the real stuff goes directly into the heart meridian based on Chinese Medical theory. No wonder why many of us look at chocolate like it's a second love and why I was eating so much of it and dreaming of chocolate pools, chocolate outfits and chocolate boyfriends. Yum.

With a mouth full of cacao, I realized that sometimes, when today doesn't pan out as we would have hoped, tomorrow just might bring something great. We can't control other people's actions, but only how we react to it.

[Red-bow wearing toad leaps across the room]

Sorry Rachael...