...on zero sleep. No joke, it's complete mush. It's not even well done (how I like it), but rather that drippy, zero consistency, runny egg slop you get at bad hotels and on airplanes. So when I woke up late for the umpteenth time this week, I raced to Starbucks and got myself a cinnamon spiced latte and a banana chocolate chip slice of bread. Yes it was an unsexy food morning. Usually even when I'm in a rush, I'll make time for a little green smoothie morning love, but not this morning. I was brutally late and I was sporting an Afro. It was only until I got to my car that I really messed up. Note to self: never and I mean never, put your cinnamon spiced latte on the icy roof of your car, since it just might slide off and pour out all its contents all over the side door. There with chunks of cinnamon that hadn't dissolved yet in my latte, was poor Jane Honda who looked like she had puked on herself.
And just when you think that driving a pukey looking Jane Honda (which by the way was freezing over) was embarrassing enough, it got worse. Finally, I arrived at the printers which is when I realized I had a large chocolate smear on my face. Thank you Mr. Printer Man for pointing that out and no, that wasn't shit on my face.
While my klutziness is great material, it also makes me look like an asshole. Sorry, the lack of sleep is rendering a trucker's mouth here. So I decided today that I would not work on the site. I would simply write my t.o.night newspaper column for Monday's print run and the Sexy Food Therapy entry. Then I would assemble the 150 goodie bag items while watching a flick and maybe do one of those facial masks...just for shits and giggles.
So after getting a tub of 12,000 year old mineral-rich decomposed, vegetable and mud, I thought I'd go for it. Please take a look below at the photo of me before my transformation back to into my early 20's.
However, typing away my column, I began to feel it...the tingle.
Wait.
[Freeze frame]
Noxema talked about the tingle. This is good, right? Then why does my face feel like it's burning?
Washing my face with cold water, I slowly lifted my head from the sink and looked into the mirror (picture a slow-mo here folks...it adds to the drama and suspense).
RED.
And I don't mean just any red...but the way Samantha looked like on that Sex in the City episode when she got a chemical peel red. No, I did not look 10 years younger. I looked RED!!! And no, I didn't snap a photo thank you.
Rinse again with cold water Melissa...and again...and again. In fact open the bloody freezer, stick your head in there like a horror flick and come back for it later.
Dear God.
Speaking of God, I do believe God is a woman because tonight she answered everyone of my vanity prayers and the redness was eventually gone...in exchange for less swearing and more praying.
After the day and week I've had, I was exhausted. Looking at a box filled with samples and postcard ads that I printed, I knew I had to stay awake...just a little longer. So I grabbed an old saviour of mine...Chocolate Matcha Love in Cup. While there's relaxing magnesium in chocolate, there's also the caffeinated perk of matcha. With my nerves a little shot, I was soothed by the naturally occurring L-theanine that's found in matcha. This amino acid helps to put the brain in a calm alpha wave state. EXACTLY what I needed.
Alright, as much as I'd love to gab, I have 150 samples to construct and judging by the smoky under eye look I'm taking on, it's best if I can hit the midnight mark for beddy-bye. No it's still not the desired pm time of the evening...but I'm getting there...I really am getting there.
You just wait.
Goodnight and morning.
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