Getting Rid of Ms. Shiner

Allow me to present to you the world's biggest klutz accompanied by her friends, stitched up Ms. Pinky and now Ms. Shiner. In the photo above, they're striking the typical club pose. Ms. Pinky sends her regrets but couldn't make it for this photo opp.

Last weekend was my birthday and I turned **cough** 31. It's like almost yesterday when I celebrated my Dirty 30 Birthday. It hit me so hard that I breaked from writing because I was overwhelmed at how much happened in the last year. I finished school, moved out of the Estrogen Den and into the Batcave in Ghettoville. There, for the first time in my life fell in love and had my heart broken. It all happened so fast that the day before my 31st birthday, the world started to spin while I was on the subway. Maybe it was because I was listening to Eyes by Rogue Wave, but tears began to well up and I couldn't control it. People on the subway were doing their best to avoid contact with Oh...that poor girl. But the main thing on my mind was, where did the time go and why do I feel so old and washed up?

Yes, some may say that being 31 is still a pup, but it hits me when the 20-something designer hipsters prance their way into the supperclub I work part time at. There, with their wallets full of cash and their high rolling corporate jobs, they bark at us...waiters and bartenders a like...because to them, they're above us. Yes, I know, there's my ego again. But feeling washed up and old really hit me when the other night the food runner asked:

Were there other people in your Acupuncture program the same age as YOU??

[Enter Super Melissa who launches food runner boy through the window like a cannonball]

Where did the food runner go?
Um...I dunno.

This year, I didn't feel like making a big deal, so instead I opted for something low key with my girls here at the Batcave in Ghettoville since it's my last month here. So when I noticed that one of my friends was playing tug of war with the wine cork, I decided to step in. But just as I leaned in, the cork popped and I fell back as my friend's fist clocked me.

Mother f@#!

Your Sexy Food Therapist as you know it, almost died again.

So after an exhausting weekend and an even more exhausting week ahead, Ms. Shiner began to show her true colours as the days past. So I developed a plan of action to get rid of her...

PLAN OF ACTION #1:
ANTI-INFLAMMATORY FOODS: KICK ASS THERAPY
Fish and avocados are high on the list since they have a large amount of essential fatty acids in them. Other great foods are citrus which are high in vitamin C and bioflavanoids which reduce our histamine levels that cause inflammation.

No red meat, alcohol, tomatoes, peppers and mushrooms. Yes, they're really good, but they actually raise our inflammatory response and if I want this to go away, I need to be good...thank God the birthday is over!

So here's my Sexy Food Therapy recipe...

SHINER BE GONE CITRUS-AVO SALAD
(all citrus fruit should be cut into small pieces)
1 organic blood orange
1 organic navel orange
1 organic grapefruit
1 organic tangerine
3 organic Haas avocados
2 shallot diced
2 tbsp Vega Antioxidant EFA Oil Blend
1 tbsp white wine vinegar
1 tsp honey
Juice from half of an organic lime
Cracked black pepper and pinch of sea salt
Toasted pine nuts for topping (optional)

Serves 3-4 (depending on the appetite)

Combine all citrus, avocado and chives together, mix gently but thoroughly and set aside on individual plates.
In a separate cup mix together the rest of the liquid ingredients and pour over fruit salad.

PLAN OF ACTION #2:
FROZEN STRAWBERRY JAM & HOMEOPATHY: THE BAD BOYS

1. Ice for the first hour...my mother's annual strawberry jam that's been in my freezer sure came into good use. Other options are frozen bag of peas or the tub of Haagen-Dazs you might be secretly storing in your freezer.
2. Apply Traumeel cream to the site after icing. Traumeel is a homeopathic formulation for inflammation, bruising and sprains.
3. According to my best friends, Dr. Gail Sauer, ND., the homeopathic pellet, Ledum 30CH should be taken on a clean mouth several times a day.

So despite Ms. Shiner's unexpected visit, and my birthday blue-run in with myself on the subway, I did have a good time this year with family and friends. Not to mention, I've been able to further utilize my creative side, go through my make-up drawer and work with my new look. Which brings me to my next tip:

PLAN OF ACTION #3:
MAKE-UP: A WOMAN'S SAVIOUR & SOCIAL HERO.
Who knew that one could hide a shiner via the smokey eye look?

However, if I'm so inclined, I'll walk outside and hold my head up high and show my real face without the make-up. Ya, the other person...that person called Life, you should see how it looked after the fight I gave.

In the end, I am one hell of a bad ass.